The Volturi Hell Rock: Twilight Xmas Carols
by VeggieVamp
Summary: A Compilation of Twilight Parody Christmas Carols! Because everybody loves those, right? A companion to the I Ate A Guy - A Collection of Twilight Parody Songs.
1. The Volturi Hell Rock

The Volturi Hell Rock

(Author's note: The Volturi are having a party in their hell like dungeon. Well, basically, they're 'feeding', but why not sing about it? Sung to the tune of Jingle Bell Rock.)

Volturi Hell, Volturi Hell, Volturi Hell rock  
Heidi will bring, the food and buffalo wings  
Killing and Drinking up bushels of fun  
Now the Volturi hop has begun.

Volturi Hell, Volturi Hell, Volturi Hell rock  
Felix will climb the walls during feeding time  
Pouncing and leaping. Oh, tourists beware!  
Please don't go there.

What a bright time, its the right time  
To eat and drink away.  
Volturi Hell time is a swell time  
To go feed in a cloak of gray  
Hurry up, Demetri, pick up your feet  
There's plenty of human stock  
Mix and a-mingle in the blood-thirsty beat  
Thats the Volturi Hell,  
Thats the Volturi Hell,  
Thats the Volturi Hell rock.


	2. Edward, the Sexy Vampire

Edward, the sexy vampire

(Author's note: To celebrate the upcoming Christmas holidays, I decided to post some 'VeggieVamp' style Christmas carols. This is only the first of many. Enjoy! Oh yea, as sung to the tune of Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer.)

Edward, the sexy vampire

(Vampire)

Had a perfect body and nose

(So sexy)

And if you ever saw him

(I wish)

You can even say he 'glows'

(Like a diamond!)

All of the other humans

(Humans)

ignored him and thought he was weird

(Well, kinda)

Even though he is not

(Obviously)

They only did it out of fear!

(And the Volturi)

Then one sunny, not rainy day. In his private meadow.

Bella and him exchanged their vows,

And since then, he never was left out.

And, how Bella loved him

(loved him)

As she shouted out with glee

(boo hoo for me)

"Yes, I'll marry you, Edward"

(Edward)

"Then we'll go down in history!"

(Like Romeo and Juliet!)


	3. The 12 Days of TOH

**The Twelve Days of TOH (Twilight Obesession Holidays)) **

**(Author's note: If this month actually existed, I would celebrate it. This is written mostly for all the TOF's out there. Kudos to you. And if you are stupid or for some reason have been hit on the head with a mallet, this song is sung to the tune of 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.') **

On the first day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
An Edward collective figurine.

On the second day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Two twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the third day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the fourth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the fifth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the sixth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the seventh day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Seven Newborns, teething,  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the eighth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Eight werewolves, running,  
Seven Newborns, teething,  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the ninth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Nine Cullen's, hunting,  
Eight werewolves, running,  
Seven Newborns, teething,  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the tenth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Ten cast members, acting,  
Nine Cullen's, hunting,  
Eight werewolves, running,  
Seven Newborns, teething,  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the eleventh day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Eleven Nomad's, wandering,  
Ten cast members, acting,  
Nine Cullen's, hunting,  
Eight werewolves, running,  
Seven Newborns, teething,  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine

On the twelfth day of TOH,  
my best friend gave to me  
Twelve vegetarians, eating ,  
Eleven Nomad's, wandering,  
Ten cast members, acting,  
Nine Cullen's, hunting,  
Eight werewolves, running,  
Seven Newborns, teething,  
Six Volturi's, killing,  
Five Twilight Soundtracks,  
Four Twilight posters,  
Three Twilight T-shirts,  
Two Twilight stickers,  
And an Edward collective figurine!


	4. Volturi Under Land

**Volturi Under Land**

**(Author's Note: Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland. Felt like writing a song about the Volturi.)**

The Volturi bring  
the fresh humans  
And then Jane  
Will share where she's been  
A most terrible sight  
At least they're happy tonight  
Converging in the Volturi Under land

Drained away are the humans  
Here to stay, is Alec, Jane's twin.  
He shakes Aro's hand, as he bravely stands  
Converging in the Volturi Under land

In the lobby, they can start a fire  
Then they can throw vampires in  
Caius says, "That was fun."  
They will just grin.  
Because the greatest amusement  
comes from burning things.

Later on  
they'll plot more  
And use Heidi, as a food lure  
In their masquerade  
with the plans that they made.  
Converging in the Volturi Under land


End file.
